OFF THE HOOK: Advice on Love and Lust
OFF THE HOOK: ADVICE ON LOVE AND LUST
HE'S GOT WEDDING JITTERS
Dear Carol,
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. Last August he proposed to me. We set the date for 6 months later. The day after Valentine's Day he called the wedding off. He told me that he wasn't ready for marriage and he wasn't sure what his feelings were for me. A week later he came to me and said that although he wasn't ready for marriage he wanted to try and work things out. I have no idea what to do. He is 27 years old and I feel like if he isn't ready now he may never be. Not only that but he keeps flip-flopping from mood to mood. One minute he is all over me and the next minute he seems 20 miles away. Any advice?
-- Lisa
Dear Lisa,
Do you know the saying? "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?"
I'm not saying that women should remain virgins until marriage—I would have been off the marriage list ages ago—but that men rarely appreciate what they have until it's gone. I'm not glibly telling you to throw three plus years out the window or leave a man you love. But homeboy is not going to make keeping you a priority until it seems like he might lose you. So here is some advice.
1. Be Unavailable: The most important thing a girl can be—to catch, keep and sometimes win back a man—is unavailable. So don't always pick up the phone when he calls, and I know you have Caller ID. Keep him guessing.
2. Be Busy: I don't wanna hear you're sitting around waiting for your man to call. Girl, you may as well get a T-shirt that says Dickwhipped. No joke. Stay busy, go out. Get a hobby.
3. Be Coy: A little obfuscation (look it up) goes a long way. Say you are out with a girlfriend and he pages you. He asks "Lisa, where you at?" What do you say? "Hey Boo. I'm here chillin' with Nia." WRONG!!!! You say, "Hey Boo. I'm out with a friend. I gotta go, lemme call you later." KA-POW.
4. Be Beautiful: Some girls are like, "I already got a man" and are walking around the house in a dirty T-shirt, and boxers. Now I'm not saying you should get tricked out. But damn girl; comb your hair. The minute you know Homeboy is coming over it's shower, shampoo, and shine, then 1-2-3, into a sexy little sumthin'. And unless you're L'il Kim, skip the face full of makeup; you want to seem low maintenance, even if you're not.
Now I'm gonna be straight up with you, Lisa, this is not a game it's for real. If he balks, be prepared to walk, cause that's what it'll take to either wake him up to how valuable you are or wake yourself up to the same thing. Last, maybe he's is simply not ready to get married, 27 is not so old (I got shoes older than that). I don't think anyone should get married until they're at least 30. That's when you start to know yourself, and what you want. Good luck, girl.
-- Carol
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